Well, That’s That.
I spent a better part of last week trying to figure out how to write about a situation. When I post about something here it seems to be a release and I really don’t think about it anymore. Over this past weekend I decided against it.
Then Monday afternoon rolled around and I received an email. Not wanting to directly respond to the person, I decided to just write here as an open letter. Because responding directly to the person tends to bring on a whole world of BS I’m tired of dealing with. He’ll make his rounds & creep here soon enough.
(Warning: It’s taken me two days to edit and tone this down.)
Why on earth would you think that it’s okay to email me when I’ve blocked/rejected you everywhere else? Is it that hard for you to comprehend a “fuck you”?
In response to things you said in the email…
Because I have you blocked (which you obviously know) there’s no way I’d know whether or not you’ve been on social media for the past week. I’m clearly not interested. It was absolutely ridiculous for you to use my “accident” that you say just happened to fumble upon shortly after I posted a picture as an excuse to reach out. Give me a break. I know all to well how you operate. You’ve proved it time and time again by digging through people’s timelines, looking for crap that may or may not be there then showing me side by side screen caps of your super-sleuthing.
Also, you don’t have to tell me that people care about me. And I want to hear how you feel about me as much as I want a bullet to the brain. I’m tired of hearing how you feel when you refuse to consider how others feel. And just so we’re clear, I never devalued myself. I never needed the “many people care about you” pep talk. I’m not that person. And, honestly, when I saw the “including me” blip… my first thought was to spit in your face. A reaction that I never had even once in my life. And I’ve told you about my ex-husbands. Do you get the gist? Do you hear the actual disgust spilling out from me after “recent developments”?
Stand back. This isn’t text emphasis this time. I really am yelling now.
YOU’RE DISAPPOINTED IN RECENT DEVELOPMENTS BETWEEN US?!
YOU ARE THE FUCKING CAUSE, YOU DICK.
Do you mean you’re disappointed that I’m not okay with someone taking advantage of a friendship? Do you mean you’re disappointed that I didn’t let you get away with crossing a very thick, well-defined line? Do you mean you’re disappointed that I didn’t want to hurt your feelings so I tried to be sensitive to you no matter how uncomfortable you made me? Do you mean your disappointed that I actually asked you to think about how your actions affected others? Do you mean you’re disappointed that I didn’t stand for you shifting responsibility of what happened?
I don’t mean to be a bitch here…
Okay, yes I do. You pushed me to that point. You so selfishly spill your feels all over the place in a discussion without actually taking time to listen and consider what the other person is saying. Calling yourself names and attempting to make the other person feel sorry for you, also not helpful. Huge newsflash for you: You did do something wrong. You don’t get to tell the person you offended how you feel, especially when it’s a physical action they’re uncomfortable with and they specifically ask you not to explain, make excuses or apologize.
And since you don’t seem to have a decent grasp on what I think or how I feel, I’m going to continue.
While you made me super uncomfortable (beyond words, spine tingling uncomfortable), I truly wasn’t upset when I first told you how I felt. I even said that. All I wanted was for you to say that you wouldn’t do it again or our friendship had to stop. Instead, you flipped things. You said that I misunderstood the action and, because of that, we should take a step back from our friendship. Excuse me?!
As someone who sent me a “I have feels for KK” message as long as 2 1/2 year ago and as recently as a few months ago, how do you expect me to really believe a physical action is from you is purely out of friendship? To be perfectly clear, I don’t let friends put their lips on me. Nope, not a single one. And to have you compare your lips touching my head to me touching your cheek or me hiding under your poncho in the rain… How do you not understand the difference?!
In case I never made this clear, my relationship with D carries no weight on what I don’t feel for you. Yes, harsh way to state the obvious but whatever… being nice clearly hasn’t worked in my favor. I use the following timeline as measuring points only to show you were fully aware of I was going through. There’s been no change in the line drawn from the time that D & I split and your initial confession to the time when everything in my life was in limbo then to last year when I was putting everything I had into working things out with him to not so long ago when he & I finally worked things out.
And it angers me that you pretended to stand by and support me through at least the last 2 years of that (a.k.a. the “limbo” marker when I moved)… then to not comprehend how it was so disrespectful to both me and D when you decided that it was okay for your lips to connect with my head.
You know I’m being kind by not publicly mentioning details of the other two thwarted attempts.
Life Rule: NEVER put your lips on a woman unless you’re certain it’s welcome.
The absolute crazy thing is…
You would have been 100% on my side if this was a situation that I presented to you and the offender was another man. “How dare someone put his lips on KK.” In fact, I regret the decision not to present it to you that way then be like, “Surprise! You’re the asshole I’m talking about!” Instead I went for the honest & upfront, “I’m not mad but don’t do it again or we can’t hang out” approach. I was even nice about it because I was trying to spare your stupid fucking feels. And, I honestly thought at the time that the friendship was worth saving.
I will thank you for 3 things. First, for emailing me so I was reminded to set up a filter to auto-delete messages from you. Second, for giving me that last jab to make me want to pounce and stop protecting your feelings even though you were 100% in the wrong. And, finally, for showing me your true colors.
I’m stupidly apologizing when I shouldn’t be but I’m sorry for taking this somewhat public (yay for you that I have a super small readership). However, the way you twisted and turned things in our private discussions about this, your inability to own up to your actions and the fact that you just didn’t back away quietly left me with few options. I can’t imagine what story you’d tell people who ask what happened. I doubt they’d hear they whole story because then they wouldn’t feel sorry for you. My side of this is going to be out there.
Stay out of my life… in case I haven’t made the “fuck you” crystal clear yet. I. do. not. care. what you think or how you feel. I can’t anymore.
I invite you to screen cap the hell out of this so you can refer to it as often as you want. Just don’t reach out to me ever again.