Wait, what? Nerves?

I’m pretty darn confident in my abilities when it comes to what I do for a living. There is usually very little stress when it comes to doing an upgrade, conversion, installation, whatever. Phase I of a project is coming up at the end of the week. This project has been a long time coming (I wanted to do this last time I worked here). Phase I is relatively small and something I can easily handle alone. The only problem is that I’m nervous.

I don’t get it. I’m never nervous when it comes to work stuff. I’m usually confident to the point of cocky so this uneasy feeling is so weird. There is no reason that I should be nervous because, duh, I’m me. See? Cocky. Also, I ran through 2 different scenarios in a test environment and I’m about to run a 3rd test that I’m confident will go just as well as the first 2. So where are these nerves coming from?

Posted in Cuz It's Me | Tagged | Leave a comment

The summer before I turned 12

I’ve mentioned before that I’m a clumsy person. I always have been. Fortunately I managed to get through most of my life without getting too many scars as a result. The few scars I do have are from burns, surgery, a poke by a cat claw, and one on the top of my left foot. I know that scar on top of my foot is there. I see it every single day but I don’t really think about it. I mean, I’ve had it since 1986. (Whoa, that makes me feel old.) However, I was reminded of it this morning when my sister, Jeanne, tweeted something about a blind falling. It made me cringe and pull my foot back.

You see… I just got out of school and was spending time with Jeanne & her family the summer before I turned 12. I was helping my nephew, Aaron, clean his bedroom. He was just a little guy at the time, barely 3 years old. He had these large, metal venetian blinds in his room. Aaron thought pulling on the strings was way more fun than cleaning. I was doing something by his bed when all of a sudden I heard “CRASH!” The blind fell off its bracket, down my shin & onto my foot. It started bleeding. A lot.

I hobbled into the bathroom to clean the blood off my leg and foot when I saw it – an image I’ll never be able to erase from my memory, something white on the top of my foot in the middle of a very large gash. SO gross. I screamed so loud. Jeanne’s hubby came flying into the bathroom to see what made me let out such a blood curdling scream. I don’t remember how my foot got wrapped or how I got to the car from the bathroom but I do remember the car ride. They were just getting around to paving the road that Jeanne & her family lived on. Instead of having me endure the bumps of the dirt road, her hubby switched lanes back & forth to stay on the pavement. I know that normal 20 minute ride to the hospital took nowhere near 20 minutes. Next thing I knew I was getting a shot, 6 stitches, some bandages and crutches. The doctor said the blind nicked the tendon on the top of my foot and I had 3 large scrapes on my shin.



I was able to get the stitches out just before the 4th of July festivities in my home town. The doctor told me, “No running for 2 weeks!” C’mon. How do you expect an 11 year old not to run? I forgot on the 4th of July and ran across the street to get money from mom for some something I neeeeeeded. I felt a little twinge and stopped quick but it was too late. I ended up stretching the skin, making the scar wider than it should have been.

A week later I went up to my childhood bestie’s house. She lived about 1/4 mile up the hill on the rez. Mom was really strict about me getting home on time and I was running late. I realized I only had a couple minutes to get down the hill so I jumped on my brown banana seat bike and flew down the hill. I was about 3/4 of the way home when suddenly both the bike & I were skidding on our sides down the road. It wasn’t that far, 10-12 feet maybe, but it felt like forever. My body came to a stop right in front of my friend Tweetie’s house. I got up & ran over to her house, crying just hard. The left side of my body had some serious road rash. Tweetie opened the door, helped me get cleaned up & bandaged then walked my hobbling self & my bike the rest of the way back to my house.

That sucked. I was crying because I hurt. Crying because I was late and didn’t want to get in trouble. Crying because I knew I was going to spend more of the summer in bandages. I think I was finally running around bandage free just in time for the pow-wow, the 4th weekend of July. Thank goodness I don’t have any visible scars from that… just the emotional trauma that comes with skidding down the road, feeling like you’re never ever, going to stop.

Man. That was the worst summer ever.

Posted in Cuz It's Me | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments


Mom in Hawaii

Shirley Justine Knapp
Aug 17, 1939 – Mar 21, 1996

That hair. Her silliness. Those hugs. I miss those the most.

Posted in Cuz It's Me | 2 Comments


The switch finally happened and the lingering anxiety is gone. It took a trip home for everything to finally settle in. I’m moving back! YAY!

The Job.

I start my new/old job in FIVE days. Five. That’s it. Five days from now I’ll be wrapping up my 3rd first day with my new/old boss and super awesome co-workers. I can’t wait.

This time is slightly unique, though, because it’s the first time that I’m starting the job as a new hire. That part feels foreign to me. It’s weird not already having security access and to not already have the pee test, finger prints and background check done. It’s weird only having a general idea of where my new office is going to be because they moved since last time I worked there. It’s weird that my office won’t in that one building anymore… where it always was. I can’t wait.

But I’m excited for the change of pace. I’m excited to actually have things to do, besides the busy work I dig up. I’m excited to actually use my skills & education instead of feeling like my brains are slowly turning into mush. Did I mention I can’t wait?

The Apartment.

I found an apartment. One I really, really love. It’s the upper apartment of an old house. It has an amazing entry way, hardwood floors throughout, wide molding, and other super cool details that I can’t quite remember the name of. I’m sure my sister or my brother-in-law will remind me when I show them pictures.

Amazingly enough, the walls are already painted to match most of my decor that’s been in storage for 5 1/2 years. There are also 3 bedrooms. THREE. I’m moving from a teeny tiny hut of a house to a beautiful apartment with all the stuff I love. And three bedrooms! I get to designate a room each for gaming and crafting while still having a bedroom and living room… all while not being forced to stuff it in the space of a refrigerator box! You can’t tell I’m excited, can you?

I’ll be staying with my most amazing friend and her kids for a couple of weeks since the apartment isn’t going to be ready until 4/1. I’m in a bit of a holding pattern with the move until then. I don’t want to move anything out of my current place, up to my friend’s, only to move it again a few weeks later. I can’t keep packing because I officially ran out of space to put boxes. I have so much stuff. It’s going to prolong my official move-out date by a couple of weeks but it is what it is. At least I have my own place.

Since my move-in date for the apartment is in the middle of my work week and I’m so excited about the fact that I’m going to have my own place… I’m not even going to wait for my stuff to get moved up there before I start staying there. Air mattress and paper plates, people!

I did think about this a little. You know, about the stuff that actually would be useful for me to have in the apartment until everything else gets there. I’ll probably haul up my bookshelf, clothes, & pots/pans/miscellaneous kitchen gadgets, too… whatever I can squeeze into my car on my trip back north that weekend. My poor Prius is going to be packed! I realize a dresser would be a lot more useful than a bookshelf but I have to move the bookshelf to get to the dresser then move the bookshelf back into the bedroom because… no space. So, to simplify because I’m lazy, the bookshelf heads up first.

Happy sighs. The new chapter is starting soon. Did I mention I can’t wait?

Posted in Cuz It's Me | Tagged , , | 5 Comments

Bitter Sweet

As some of you (in my readership of like 12 or so) know through social media, I put my 2 week notice in at work on Monday. For those of you that don’t know… I accepted my old position and am heading back to the UP. I am excited for the move home. I am. I love my new/old job. The move is just a big adjustment that I wasn’t quite ready for. But, I’m getting there.


My week has been pretty quiet for the most part since the department is starting to make transitions to cover my daily tasks. Unless they were a Facebook friend or in HR, people I work with really didn’t hear about my upcoming move. This morning I suddenly had a quiet a few people come up to me to ask questions, wish me well, and harass me for leaving them. I found it odd that everyone found out at once… until one person finally clued me in. They put the following in our monthly newsletter (which I didn’t see because it’s with my pay stub at the main office).

March 2014

Such sweet people. I love that they even apologized for lifting a pic from Facebook! So I don’t get all sniffley again, I’ll just pull part of my FB post.

“…I really love the people I work with at MTE. I’ve said numerous times that it was never my dream job but the people there really made me enjoy where I worked. They truly have hearts of gold. I’ve never worked in anything like it & I’ll miss everyone greatly.”

Posted in Cuz It's Me | Tagged , | 1 Comment