When I woke up on that beautiful day two years ago, I never imagined my life would resemble anything near what it is today. Single. Living by myself long-term for the first time in my life. Sharing custody of a dog.
When I woke up on that beautiful day two years ago, I was high on life. I was healthy. I had my little family. I was living with a man who completes me in every way.
When I woke up on that beautiful day two years ago, I left for work smiling. Laughing about our silliness the night before, thinking those 3 words… “I’m so blessed.” Little did I know that he and I would both have the perfect storm of a bad day.
Little did I know that my return home from work would be greeted with carefully targeted verbal blows back and forth that would send us spiraling into a hell that seemed to never end. In reality, hell only lasted minutes.
Little did I know that when I returned home after cooling off that this “that’s it, we’re over” would be the last time one of us said those words to the other.
I’m not sad. Not anymore, at least.
We’ve gone through so many waves of emotion since that beautiful day two years ago. From the silent treatment and snarling at each other in the first few weeks following to one or both of us fighting to hang on (or let go).
Over the past year I spent countless hours replaying everything from that beautiful day two years ago, wishing I did things differently. It took me months to realize that this was the only possible outcome. It was just a matter of time. The scene that played out wasn’t the first one we survived. If I stayed, it wouldn’t have been our last. We fought as fiercely as we loved.
Now we have this friendship.
We still struggle as we try to figure out how to fit together as friends instead of partners. We still care for each other. We still take care of each other. We get so comfortable in our groove that we momentarily forget that we’re just friends, both good and bad. We take a step back. Regroup. Move forward.
When I woke up on that beautiful day two years ago, I never imagined my life would resemble anything near what it is today. And that I would be grateful.