Say Yes to the Dress

My cousin shipped a handful of dresses for me to try on, to see if one would work for this weekend’s events. I loved each one of them on the hanger. They are exactly what I would have picked out for myself.

While we look very much alike, we are shaped very differently. However, this had to be the most fun I’ve ever had trying on dresses. Here are bits of our conversation during the process.

The Blue Dress.

Me: The blue dress was my favorite so I tried it on first. I was all, “Hellooooo boobies!”

Her: Is it cute though? I had no boobs to fill it out.

Me: It is cute. A little short, though. Haha. My girls are like, “KAPOW!” And if I lean a little too much, they might pop out. I love this dress but no way I can wear it where I work. Too bad. I have nude shoes that would look killer with it.

The Print Dress.

Me: Oooooooh. I love this dress, too, but I don’t think it’ll work. I fear my massive biceps will rip the sleeves to shreds.

Her: LOL. It was a little tight on my arms, too.

Me: I felt all, “I lift things up and I put them dowwwwwn.” Okay, moving on.

The Crochet-Lace Back Dress.

Me: I love this dress. Right length. I don’t feel exposed. This could be a keeper.

The Grey Sweater Dress.

Me: Oh. My. Gawd. I love this dress. It’s a little more form-fitting, though, so I’m not sure. I would have freakin’ rocked this if I kept working out.

The Sleeveless Dress.

Me: Bwah-hahaha. Yeah. I couldn’t get it over my boobies.

The Other Black Dress.

Me: Whoa. Lady bits. Not happening.

Her: I’m wearing tights or leggings and tall boots with my dress.

Me: Yeah… I’m not even sure I’m comfortable with that. You know Pikachu? I’d be Pikacoochie.

The Almost Decision.

Me: Okay, I’m between the lace back dress and grey dress right now. {return a few minutes later} Bugger. I just did a back view with the grey dress. I don’t have the ass to pull it off right now. I’m sad. The lace back one it is!

Her: {sends me a pic of another dress} What do you think of this?

Me: Ohhhhh adorbs!

Her: Okay! I’ll bring that one for you to try on, too, just in case.

Me: Yay! Sounds great. {return a few minutes later} Okay, the shoes I picked out will work with either dress. I think I’m done twirling around my living room now.

(After all of that, I hope I’m brave enough to actually wear a dress that shows my legs.)

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