100 Happy Days
Day 29, I Woke Up Smiling
Yesterday morning, for the first St. Patrick’s Day in more than a decade, I woke up smiling. There was no sadness. There was no dull ache wondering what might have been. There wasn’t the constant obsession wondering what he or she might have looked like. Of course, it was in the back of my mind. It always is. But, instead, this year there was finally acceptance. It took a lot of soul-searching recently to figure out what was so different about that one that kept such a hold on my heart, compared to the small handful of others over the past few years . When I finally narrowed that down, I knew I was ready to move on.
Last night, for the first St. Patrick’s Day in more than a decade, I went to bed smiling. There was a happiness and focus I haven’t felt in a long time. There was an ache but it was in every other muscle, not my heart. There was an obsession, but it was about the definition in my arms that is quickly returning, the stomach that is quickly shrinking and a heart that’s finally healing.